My blah blah blah I hate you all space

I wasn't able to bring anything with me. I can only drink wine or beer or cocktails. No vodka in a water bottle for me thanks. It'll only make me hurl. The pigs are out in force on Friday and Saturday evenings anyway. I dunno. I don't really see a problem with them. If you're stupid enough to look suspicious then you deserve to learn your lesson: be sneakier next time. If you're hanging outside the lateshop, you're retarded. What's so great about there anyway? Take your business elsewhere.

We didn't want to show up early so we decided to go to the lateshop on the way. We turned the corner and a police car was just pulling up. Sam McCabe had been handing out bottles filled with coke and bacardi or vodka out to Britt and Emma before. When she saw the car she stops dead in her tracks and says "Shit, the police, go back." which is probably one of the stupidest things you can say outloud with them nearby. Especially with some woman behind you not expecting you to suddenly stop and then all of sudden thinking "What the fuck are they up to?". Are you trying to get attention or what? I was appalled at her behavior. I was clean anyway.

No one ended up buying me a drink either. Everyone I asked said they would but ended up not doing. Still, one beer wouldn't have done much. Maybe it would've made me a little merrier (mood-wise). But I didn't enjoy the atmosphere and when I drink, I'm out to get wasted. Not a good idea. Maybe it was better that I didn't have anything. Probably would've been best if I hadn't gone out at all.

 

The only reason I went left after about 15 minutes.

I didn't know who's party it was. I had been asked twice during the week if I was going to it. I didn't really care. But then he asked if we were going because he was and he didn't know who's party it was either, he was just tagging along with his mate. I had the urge to go all of a sudden. I would get drunk and then I would end up chatting to him. That was the plan.

Emma told me that she was considering going to it after being invited by Sam McCabe earlier that day. I leapt at the chance to go with her. Now the plan had a chance to see action. I was in the mood to go out again anyway.

We got there kind of early. I was greeted with a hug and "Hello friend (who I don't know why are you at my party)" by the hostess. Then the five of us just sat at the opposite end of the room to all of her family and real friends and listened to the music. There was a bowl of flying saucers which kept us company. No one really said anything. The music was too loud and I didn't really know who I was sitting with very well, other than Emma. She was waiting for Jenny and Paige and that lot to arrive so they could hang out. I knew that Amy and Fi were coming at some point. That comforted me for some reason, even though I knew I wouldn't really hang out with them much, seeing as they had their own group of friends like Emma did, and I didn't really have anyone. I could sense the evening sucking.

For the next probably hour and a half I sat waiting by the door, checking every now and then through the window as I saw people arriving to see if he would be one of them. Jenny was sat with me. She wasn't in the mood right then either. She would get in the mood later though and I would be alone again. Didn't matter. And then I saw him and shot round to look at Jenny and just kind of muttered "shit shit shit" under my breath. For the rest of the time he was there I just tried to follow him with my eyes and ignore everything else. I know, it's sad, I'm head-over-heels, I can't help it. I didn't say hi. I kept muttering. I know he had seen me, but it wasn't like he was just ignoring me. We haven't officially said hi to each other yet outside of business. Until that's been initiated, we can't just say hi. But that's kind of paradoxical, right? What the fuck am I on about? Anyway. He kind of looked like he wanted to say hi, but maybe that's just me hoping that he was wanting to say hi but actually he just didn't feel the need to at all. I don't know.

So that was that. We didn't talk. We didn't even acknowledge one another. He smoked and talked to his friends and I just sat alone by the door wishing. And then I lost him.

For the rest of the evening I just looked around the room, but he had gone. Maybe he wasn't into it either. Didn't matter. After an hour or so I figured he wasn't coming back. I had no reason to stay, but I couldn't leave because of Emma. I didn't mind too much. I was just dissapointed and regretful at missing an oppurtunity because I'm too shy or whatever. I kept muttering. I was going to ask his mate where he was, but I didn't say hi to him either, even though we should be able to say hi to each other too. I'm retarded.

The day after I found out that he'd been around, just not inside. Too much weed and he was popping a whitey. He refused to accept he had a hangover the next day. It was pretty funny.

 

Emma had gotten really drunk after a 500ml bottle of vodka and coke (although she didn't seem drunk after drinking that) and two blue WKDs. WKDs, man. That's really quite pathetically dissapointing. She kept asking if I was okay which annoyed me. Of course I was okay, I just wasn't happy. My mood was low for the whole night. I don't really mind, but other people do, which I do mind. They try to make an effort to cheer me up and/or get me to dance (Jenny kept saying that if I wanted him to notice me, I'd have to get up and dance, which was a really stupid thing to say in real life because that only works in the movies) when really I would just like to wallow in my own misery and think. Just leave me be and you have fun. Don't let me get in the way. I'm not trying to.

James Leghs (sp?) was just floating around too. He wasn't into it. He couldn't get a drink because the bar had closed. But he was moving about and had a few people to talk to. I greeted and/or shared a sentence or two with : Emma, Jenny, Britt, that girl who I didn't know but then remembered where I knew her from but still don't know her name yet she knows mine, Sam (Emma knows what I think), Turner (who was as he usually is), James, Amy, Fi, Ben Evans (well he greeted me) and Jimmy Ladd (who also greeted me with a man hug and had a very brief conversation with, which I appreciated a lot).

Emma asked if I wanted to go on a wander and I said that I'd rather just go straight home, so we did. I wasn't looking forward to the journey home because most drunk people piss me off when I'm not drunk myself (of course) and so that frame of mind had encouraged me to find more reasons as to why I didn't like where I was. Emma, especially, is just someone whom I really hate when drunk and I can't help it, even though she's my best friend. But it ended up being okay. She asked me what the time was thrice, and I told her it was 11 each time and she always replied with "Well my parents will be happy that I'm home earlier (the party was meant to end at 12)" and I agreed and she would then say "Well I had a good time" and continue the circle. Apparently she was the drunkest she'd ever been, even though she didn't seem it, but according to her, everything was in double vision. Emma is an incredible lightweight and I'm ashamed to know her.

 

One last thing before I wrap things up. I have about 3 different outfits that I wear. Most often you'll see me in my Adeline or Atticus tee, my jeans with the hole in and my brown hoodie. That is me dressing up. So when people go to parties wearing nice clothes that show them off, I'll be there looking like a tramp compared. Either that or some sort of ugly lesbian (as opposed to the pretty ones??). I just don't do it. I wear jeans and t-shirts and hoodies. I don't wear skirts or nice tops. I'm just a scruff. Everyone always says they overdress when I point this out, but if everyone says it, then there's no such thing as overdressing; it's the norm. And I just don't fit in with it.

IT'S SNOWING MOTHERFUCKERS! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

 

And it's coming down nice and thick too. Freddy does not believe it will last the night, BUT I HAVE FAITH IN YOU, SNOW! I HAVE FAITH THAT YOU WILL LAST FOR MANY DAYS, CAUSING MANY HILARIOUS INJURIES AS OLD PEOPLE SLIP ON ICE. I HAVE FAITH THAT YOU WILL CAUSE HAVOC ON THE ROADS AND CAUSE THE SCHOOL TO CLOSE! BECAUSE GODDAMMIT, SNOW! IF I DON'T HAVE FAITH IN YOU, WHAT DO I HAVE FAITH IN?! JACK SHIT, THAT'S WHAT!

 

Writing in capitals makes it easier for the snow to read.

 

 

More entries to follow soon. It's been a while.

 

 

 

Sara.

 

 

p.s Hope I haven't strained our very intimate relationship by putting you second to snow, Jack Shit.

My mother is convinced that I have a problem. Whenever we argue or when she randomly starts saying about how she's worried about me, she asks if I have a problem. No, for God's sake, I do not have a problem. And it's not as if I'm just denying that I do, I honestly just don't have a problem. Everything she thinks is a problem is just me, but apparently that isn't how normal people act. Like my friends. I didn't know you guys hung out with my mother. Please stop. Right now. Do you not hate it when your mothers gossip about you with your friends mothers? As if it's any of their business. I hate that. But anyway, she's convinced that I have a problem and she'll keep pushing it on me until I actually start thinking I do have a problem and have a fucking breakdown. She even mentioned me while at the doctors and they gave her this booklet about depression. She then put it on my bed so that I would have to look at it, which I did before throwing it outside to show my disregard.

 

Below are the symptoms of depression. Everything highlighted is what she or the doctor highlighted based on what they think applies to me. 

 

• Low mood for most of the day, nearly every day. Things always seem ‘black’.
• Loss of enjoyment and interest in life, even for activities that you normally enjoy.
• Abnormal sadness, often with weepiness.
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or uselessness
• Poor motivation. Even the simple tasks seem difficult.
• Poor concentration. It may be difficult to read, work, etc.
• Sleeping problems:
  • Sometimes difficulty in getting off to sleep.
  • Sometimes waking early and unable to get back to sleep.
  • Sleeping too much sometimes occurs.
• Lacking in energy, always tired.
• Difficulty with affection, including going off sex.
• Poor appetite and weight loss. Sometimes the reverse happens with comfort eating and weight gain.
• Irritability, agitation, or restlessness.
• Symptoms often seem worse first thing each day.
• Physical symptoms such as headaches, palpitations, chest pains, and general aches.
• Recurrent thoughts of death. This is not usually a fear of death, more a preoccupation with death and dying. Some people get suicidal ideas such as “life’s not worth living”.

Well. Gosh. I really don't know what to say.

I'm a very different person around my parents. Extremely different. So they don't know what I'm actually like with my friends and other people and such. They think I'm the same rude, highly anti-scoial, miserable person I am around them...which I guess I am but to a far lesser extent. I don't like them seeing me happy. I don't like them knowing much about me. I don't like them knowing anything about my friends. I don't like them getting involved with my education. I don't like talking to them. I do not know why. I don't know when I changed into what I am. I can't remember it. Mother always says I didn't used to be like this, and yeah, I remember, I wasn't like this when I was little. So what happened? My parents seem to think it's a mixture of society telling me to reject my parents and peer pressure, which is probably the most retarded argument I've ever heard. My mother keeps attempting to have conversations about my future and offering to help and stuff and I just don't want any of it. I do not want her meddling with my work or learning of my plans for the future. Not because I'm worried that she'll criticise and reject them; simply because I do not want her getting involved. The conversation quickly becomes an argument and ends with her telling me that I'm going to end up just like my half-brother John (it's great having a cast-out failure of a family member compared to you.) and working behind tills or on the dole for the rest of my life. Nice, mum.

Well actually, I didn't ruin it this time. I just wasted it. For all the dreams I had in my huge forehead, I never seem to follow them through. My dreams of rallying everyone together, dressing up as zombies and roaming around Poynton in search of brai...candy, went unfulfilled. I should never get my hopes up ever again.

Firstly, I should've remembered that whenever I try to organise something, it never works out. Ever. I am a disorganised person to begin with. I am also a lazy person who procrastinates too muc. I will leave everything literally to the last minute and then go over the deadline when I fail to do it last minute. I really need to sort myself out because I am very quickly turning into a real slacker. Anyway, so I wanted to get some liquid latex so I could really zombify myself and make it look real. Plus, I was going to make a fresh batch of blood after my success with it last year. Well Halloween kept getting closer, and I kept saying I'll order it tomorrow and tomorrow kept coming but I never did anything. So I suck really bad.

Then there was the whole getting other people to join in, which also never works 'cause my friends suck. Heh, well no, to be fair, they sounded interested when I told them in order to humour me because they probably knew that it was just another of my crazy ideas that never see the light of day. Plus, the day Halloween fell on this year didn't help either being the day we went back to school and I would've appreciated more time to get ready before going out. Wouldn't it make more sense to have the Halloween/Bonfire week off anyway? Sure, they're not "official" holidays that we get the day off from (only Christians ones count there) but gosh darn it, they should be. You've got witches one night and bonfires a week later, they go hand in hand!

To top it all off, I was ill, so I couldn't have done anything anyway. Maybe it's better that I didn't have everything ready before being dissapointed, maybe I didn't waste it as much as I could've done had I been organised (maybe my organising skills are psychic!) and then struck down with glandular fever which is a crippling virus that gives me a really sore throat and makes me super duper tired and UGH all the time. I got to go have a blood test which is awesome. As soon as I can, I am going to give blood and I am going to give blood often. Sure, the needle piercing the skin and coming out isn't that great, but the feeling of your arm being drained and then the after feeling where it's all funny and feels numb was so much fun. I almost started laughing because it kind of tickled. And then seeing the blood come out was cool too. 'Course it bruises your arm up something fierce afterwards, but it's worth it. Is that really weird?

Luckily, there were some good films on to keep my company, starting off with "Interview with a Vampire", "Halloween" and "A Nightmare On Elm Street". Good stuff.

Well now that Halloween's over, it's Christmas time. It's such a shame though how Halloween is becoming less and less popular over here. No trick or treaters this year at all. Mother was thoroughly dissapointed; she likes Halloween. I guess it's because of the chav culture, and Halloween gives them an excuse to cause trouble (I don't know what excuses they have for the other 364 days other than they're morons) and people won't open their doors or participate in trick-or-treating incase they get attacked by these massive retards. Plus there's been so much malarkey with religious devouts saying that it shouldn't be celebrated, which is stupid. It's just some fun. And you get free food. Come on! And, y'know, since Jesus gets weeks out of the calender to celebrate him, why can't Satan have one day for himself? Just to keep him happy. Don't be so selfish. We have your holidays shoved down our throats months before we should be thinking about them (to be fair, that's the commercialism rather than Christianity). It was August when the first Christmas decorations were coming out. I mean, Jesus, give us a chance (I wasn't asking Jesus himself to give us a chance then, I was just blaspheming). But actually, this year, I'm looking forward to Christmas. I don't quite know why. I think I'm picturing one of those perfect film-esque Christmas' that don't really exist, and once again I'm going to be dissapointed. Ah well.

 

Well the Avenue Q soundtrack has just finished so I think I'll finish here too. God, I need to see this. I absolutely adore it. That's another thing I need to organise and will probably not end up going to see :( I think I'm going to cry.

 

 

Sara.

Hey jerkwads. How's it hanging?

 

So let's work backwards. I'm an asshole and I'm friends with Jamie again. Still, fuck everybody else.

Amy's party was way fun. Fi really likes wine... in her eyes. Little Miss Sunshine is probably the best film out this year. Go see it. I'm certain that we saw some Mormons in Manchester. So that was pretty cool (Read: 'Weird Obession' below).  Motion City Soundtrack were pretty good, but I went away liking the support bands (Ok Go (they danced :D) and The Matches) better than the main band again. It was the hottest concert ever. My clothes were still soaked in the morning. Some guy who we'd met briefly before the concert tried to pull me at the end but I wasn't having any of it because he was a total retard. While in the queue, we made friends with this couple behind us who said that we were the coolest young people they knew :D which was awesome but then again, we didn't really have much competition as we were surrounded by lame asses. But oh my god, the guy was Jewish. And y'know, being a Jew, he was hot. For those who don't know me too well, I have a weird obsession with Jews (and Mormons). I just think they're kick ass. It's my goal to make a Jewish friend. So I was star struck for the rest of the night. Yeah, I know, it's weird. Anyway, we lost them once the Matches finished so that was rather saddening :( Last Saturday me and Emma went and saw the new Will Ferrell film, 'Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby' and it was hilarious and very quotable, as per usual. And yes, as Emma said, even though it was only a 12A, it was funny watching this father squirm as his two kids heard about how Carl did a full spread for Playgirl. And I mean spread man, they pulled his buttcheeks apart and stuff. He was totally nude. It was weird. Yeah, that bit was funny.

The day before that was Celia's party, which really was just a drunken gathering. Ahhh, what a night that was. When me, Emily, Guy and Emma got there, Christy, Alex and Celia were already drunk. So Emma and Emily made up for time lost pretty quickly, while Guy became slightly tipsy, and I was still sober, despite a couple of shots. Then they ran off down some path while me and Guy followed, I talking about how it sucks to be the only sober one amongst a group of lightweight drunks and he saying "I give you five minutes before those drinks hit you and you're as wasted as the rest" but alas. Alex was already dry heaving, so she hung behind with us. Oh, I remember now, it was Alex's idea. She wanted to go find this boy who she really liked (who is now her boyfriend coincidentally) called Luke, so we all set off on an adventure. But 5 minutes in she was like "Why are we here? Who's Luke? Fuck Luke, let's go back!" because Christy and Celia had decided to go back and watch the Goonies. Emily and Emma wandered off to Deva Park in search of Marsden and we didn't see them for a good few hours. On the way back to Celia's house, Alex was apologising in advance in case she starts a fight with me, but I told her not to worry because I'd kick her ass. Guy agreed with me, saying "I'd put my money on Sara, she's a kung fu Goddess. You remind me of... what's it called...Hong Kong Phooey". He was slowly slipping away with the rest. We got back and I decided to do some more shots. Tequila that is. So tequila isn't as good as isn't as good as I had hoped it would be. Maybe it was just cheap tequila; maybe we didn't have enough salt or lime or do them in quick enough succession. Whatever. But I kinda liked it, unlike most of the others. I prefer it way more than vodka anywho, which I can't even hold in my mouth anymore without spluttering and spitting back out. Vodka is disgusting. It's pure piss. You couldn't get purer piss if you pissed into the bottle yourself. It's only a little more bearable when it's mixed with something non-alcoholic. Still, it's far from my drink of choice. I'm more into proper drinks anyway. But until I'm rich, we've decided that beer is the way to go from now on. Yep, good ol' reliable beer. I like beer. I've been brought up with beer; Budweiser to be precise. Beer is a sociable drink, or at least that's what television has taught me. And God bless TV. Beer is a drink that doesn't hit you full on like spirits; it lets you watch each other slowly degrade into a drunken mass. Oh and it tastes nice, it tastes real nice.

Anyway, so I'm still pretty good, and me, Guy and Christy are lying on the trampoline star gazing (which is always fun to do, and is it just me or can you see way more stars when you're drunk?) and suddenly Christy bolts up and throws up on Guy's crotch. I practically wet myself as she struggles over to the side of the trampoline to finish and Guy asks me if she just threw up on him. We leave Christy heaving and Guy cleans himself up and we do shots together. I also think at this point that Celia has her head in the toilet and is angry at everyone because she is a violent drunk :) Me and Guy laugh at the dog while it's licking up Christy puke. Dogs are stupid and funny. Then we want to watch South Park but can't for the life of us figure out how to turn Celia's goddamn TV on. We are shouting and banging the screen, demanding it to turn on. We keep interrupting Celia's vomiting session, asking her how to turn it on and she's telling us about the little light going green but it keeps flashing amber and green, mocking us perhaps in our drunken state. Turns out it takes like 5 minutes for her freakin' TV to turn on and you've just got to wait. When it finally does turn on, it's "Smug Alert" and we are happy. We are content. I am telling Guy about the episode as I have seen it before. We are both laughing hysterically. At some point, Celia's stoner brother and friends come down and watch it with us. I am amazed at how loud my voice is. I think I'm scaring the stoners but also providing amusement as I shout a conversation with them. I'm trying to figure out why my voice is so loud and how I can turn the volume down on myself, but I end up laughing about it and calling myself silly. Alex keeps busting into the room begging for help because she has Christy's head in the upstairs toilet and Celia's downstairs. I think the stoner's leave around about now and help her. Guy proclaims that me and him are now drinking buddies for life and that he loves me, and I say "We're soulmates Guy, we're going to get married!" but he realised he had to go. Stuff happened, I can't remember exactly, he went to ring his mum and apparently it was pretty funny 'cause he was oblivious to the fact he was on the phone, but I wasn't there and that's another story you'll have to hear from Emma who had come back by that time. I didn't want Guy to leave and apparently I was kissing his face and he kept going "Nooo! I cannot leave! Saraaa!" or something stupid, but he dissapeared and later on I would wonder where he went to.

Another funny story was the whole bathroom thing. No one could use the toilets 'cause someone was throwing up in both of them. I wasn't going to budge Celia because she was having it bad, but Christy I could persuade. Beforehand, she had refused for Emily, telling her instead to go in the bath and she wouldn't look. Being the primitive being that Emily is, she went ahead and pissed in the bath. I, on the other hand, am sophisticated. I said "I am too posh to piss in the bath Christy" and she crawled out. I was satisfied.

After that I can't really remember much. Me and Emma sat at the top of the stairs and laughed. She had sobered up. I still didn't know where Emily was. We watched some more South Park, the "Return Of Chef" episode but I don't remember watching all of it. Alex was still running around trying to look after Christy and Celia, I offering no help, even when asked. I tell her she's not drunk enough, because I don't care, and you shouldn't care when you're drunk. If anyone is ever in trouble, and I am drunk, you have no hope.

After that, I was lying on the floor and the last thing I remember saying was "Ok, here's my Aristocrats joke..." to my lone audience of Emma. Apparently I told it her 4 different times, each time differently as it is intended. She didn't get it. No one ever does. Then I apparently rambled on for the rest of the night about "Bill and Ted but not Keanu Reeves" and how I want to fuck Matt and Trey (South Park creators - 2 of my idols- no, gods) and how it's a shame that Trey is married, but Matt will do. I am such a whore. But seriously, I'd do 'em. ANYWAY.

I think I remember crawling onto the couch and into my sleeping bag later on. Then we all woke up at about 4 or something stupid. I don't know how that happened. We all woke up, and I think Celia turned the TV on, and LO AND BEHOLD "THE TOXIC AVENGER" WAS ON! I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was having a beautiful dream. Unfortunately, it was the ending, but I explained to everyone the story and what was going to happen next, and they all laughed at the blind girl because they're bastards like that. I don't know who had turned the Horror Channel on beforehand, but I would guess it was me. After that finished, we watched something crappy that none of us could understand, but it was just like a desert and some really fast cars and whatever. Celia threw a video at me to look at, so I held it above my head so I could read the blurb, and then somehow I dropped it on my face and it hit my head. That hurt. I'm an idiot. We ended up going to sleep again. When we woke up, I commented on how we didn't watch the South Park Movie or BASEketball, because Celia didn't have a video player (does anyone anymore?) to play South Park, and...wait...someone had managed to put BASEketball in the DVD player and had even put the LOST DVD away... apparently that was me again. How I had managed to do that when I couldn't even turn the TV earlier in the night, I do not know. But nevermind. EDIT: According to Emma it was me, and I got angry and punched the DVD [player?] a couple of times. And who says violence never solves anything?

I must say, Celia and Alex are the best hosts ever. They cooked us a proper breakfast (it's a shame I'm not big into cooked breakfasts) and everyone helped clean up. Except for me, who after having a glass of water couldn't hold it down and sat on the sofa struggling with myself for a good 5 minutes trying not to spew. I lost and aimed for where I thought the bin was. Except the bin wasn't on the wall. Luckily it was only water...and I decided not to tell anyone... Sorry Celia. So me and Emily later staggered home in high spirits except everyone kept staring at us which was weird. But it was a good night. I regret not bringing my camera. I always manage to forget to do that.  Oh, and I got to keep the little sombrero hat on the Tequila bottle. It's red :)

 

Anyway, I'll wrap it up there. There was probably more I wanted to say, but this is a month old and I realy should just put it out there for your reading pleasure. You poor people. I am so sorry.

 

 

Sara.

As some of you may know, I have contracted impetigo. Yes, that's right. Go look it up. I didn't know what it was either.

Impetigo is a contagious skin infection that usually produces blisters or sores commonly occuring on the face and hands.

So why am I happy? The 4th word in the above sentence: contagious. That means no school. It's great. I feel perfectly well and I don't have to go on in because I could infect you guys. In fact, that's the only thing I'm sad about; that none of you get to experience this wonderful condition; the more people I infect, the happier I will be. But alas, doctor's orders :)

Nevertheless, it's still pretty fucking disgusting.

"When impetigo is caused by group A streptococcus, it begins as tiny blisters. These blisters eventually burst and leave small wet patches of red skin that may weep fluid. Gradually, a tan or yellowish-brown crust covers the affected area, making it look like it has been coated with honey or brown sugar"

Mmmmmmmmmm...honey. I think that's the most delicious way of describing an infection that I've ever read.

Now I can't remember the blisters; I remember a small raised red spot on my wrist that I figured was an insect bite on the 22nd of September. I can imagine myself absent-mindedly scratching it before I realised what it was, or during my sleep. But I just cannot remember nasty blisters. Anyway, it got to a point where I started showing it off to people because it was gross. And it was gooey too. Anyway, it started getting bigger and nastier as the days went by. I'd been to the school nurse to get a cover for it and she said I ought to go to the doctor about it. My mother who is a nurse said that I was fussing over it too much and that it wasn't anything to be bothered about. That's because she's a nurse and you know, they see worse everyday, so some huge, oozing, red sore on my arm is nothing. And my tonsilitus was just a sore throat until I showed her the lumps and said "I told you so". Goddammit. She then said on Tuesday night of this week that it might be impetigo (it sounds like a board game, don't ya think?) and had booked an appointent with the doctor for the next day. I guess she would've caught on earlier but the icky crusts would come off when I had a shower and they were the very visible signs. Unfortunately, I had a scratch on my chin and it's now infected that too, which is what bothers me the most because that really is just revolting.

Emma has also got it., but hers is on the back of her shoulder and is now developing on her armpit because she's disgusting. By the way, she's single, boys :) Her mother also said that it was impetigo on Tuesday night and had booked for the doctors the next day. So we were outcast infection buddies on Wednesday. 

Now the only way we both could've gotten it is from the Motion City Soundtrack concert. Because I don't generally touch Emma's back. Ever. And she was wearing a strappy top then. So some diseased human being must've passed it onto us there. It's a condition usually associated with not being clean, but I am OCD over being clean. I have to have a shower and wash my hair every morning and such. So it must've been then.

Well the doctor confirmed it, but my mother wasn't happy with her 'cause she was old and stupid. She prescribed me some ointment that nobody stocks anywhere. But then again, she did say that I shouldn't be in school which, although everyone had said that I shouldn't be in school with it 'cause it's really contagious, my mother probably wouldn't have let me off with it if she hadn't been told to. So my mother is getting some creamy stuff from work tomorrow that had to be ordered in especially and I've got some pill things in the mean time.

 

But I'm pretty happy with the whole thing. I mean, they're repulsive, they're sore and gooey, they sting and they itch and I can't really move my wrist up and down but it's not too bad. As long as it doesn't get really bad and spread further, or give me blood poisoning or whatever then I'm fine. I think mother is planning for me to be back in on Monday, but we'll see if I can prolong that.

 

And you can all see my nasty sores in the photo I attached :)

 

Happy trails.

 

Sara.

 

 

UPDATE: Holy shit, it's back. I got rid of it and now it's back. Same with Emma too. Impetigo isn't a quitter.

Life is looking up. Of course, as soon as school starts again I will discard this point of view and refuse to believe the thought ever went through my mind, therefore I must capture it now in this blog (lame). I was just thinking, I am a pretty happy person most of the time, I'm just extremely negative...

 

I've shed some friends but that's okay. I actally feel pretty...free. I expected to get all depressive afterwards, but by god, I haven't been happier to be honest. They were pissing off to university anyway, so now that they're all dead to me, I just don't care. I really just don't care. I want my goddamn video camera back and then after that I can forget I ever knew them. I'm doing a pretty good job of it so far. It was quite funny actually, I remember thinking "Oh no, now I don't have anyone to tell my problems to..." then I remembered that they were most of my problems. I swear, it's made me feel so much better.

I'm spending way more time with my proper friends, who I feel I kind of neglected when I was with the sixth formers, and it's made me realise that [Sentimental moment] these are the people that I want to be friends with all my life [End of] until they get replaced by my uber cool Jew friend :) Goddammit, where are you?

 

I have found new loves and inspiration for things and it's made me feel like I have a target in life, be it a dream or otherwise. Until recently I'd thought "goddammit, I have no future". I don't know if this is because I have no firm or set idea on what I want to do with my life or what, but that's just how I thought. I just couldn't imagine it, I couldn't even dream about it 'cause I was so unsure. It got to a point where I believed that it was because I was going to die before I could get there or something stupid like that. I still can't imagine it; I don't think anyone can, but I'm hoping again. Which is good. It would help if I had some talent in any one specific area. Then I might be able to work on that, but I just don't [have any talent at all]. I can't be another nobody leading a mediocre life with a mediocre job though. I refuse to end up like that. It goes against everything I've ever believed in. So I don't know. It's kind of sucky. What sucks even more is that if you want to get anywhere in life, then it's not what you know, but who you know, and I don't know anybody. Crap.

 

My interest in music has kind of taken a back seat... I blame it on not having bought a new album for a few months, which kind of sucks. But that's okay! As soon as I realise that my composition has to be finished by the end of the month, I'll be immersed once again. Which reminds me, if you can sing, there are a bunch of us who would really love to steal your talent for our disco pieces :) We probably won't pay you... but how about a nice pie or something?

There are a few of us hoping to take up fencing, largely inspired by Fi's description found in this blog. Aaaand we're also hoping that we can get into a Japanese course at Macc college, but there have been some issues with us only being 15 and it's rather annoying but we think it's going to be sorted out soon so YAY.

This is all for our Duke Of Edinburgh thingy which we're doing a practice hike and camp and such this Friday for 3 days. It should be uberly fun. Being a scout is fun :D

Aaaand I after a wave of inspiration, me and Emma project:RAD and project:GARY to do. It will happen. I'm so intent on doing them. I want to actually do something with my life right now, because I feel like I'm just wasting time. Project:RAD will be muchos fun if we can figure out how to do it right, and project:GARY, well... that may be the start of everything (except we need money). Who knows. Which reminds me again, I need a job. Something else that'll give me something to do. I WANT TO DO SOMETHIIIIING.

I realised that during work experience. Everyone was all "Oh, I think you'll probably have one of the better experiences and you'll learn a lot" and I was kind of hoping that too. But I did jack shit most days, and I hated it. I hated being somewhere and doing nothing. It just felt like a waste of time and space. I felt good when I was mounting photo albums or numbering the photos from the negs because it was a simple job that despite the back pain and the amount of time it took to do, I was actually doing something. But when I didn't have anything to do, I was bored out of my mind. It hurt. It was so boring it hurt. The whole experience was wasted because I wasn't there for half the time, and then when I was there, I wasn't needed less than half the time. But nevermind. The photos were cool.

 

Ahhhhh, but yes, school starts soon. And while I've been bored out of my mind rotting in front of the computer for most of the holiday, I have been procrastinating as always. I've had coursework I could have been doing rather than doing nothing, but I still didn't do it. Why? Why is it like that? Why am I begging for something to do, and yet there is something and I'm not doing it? And now that there's this camp that leads up to the day before we go to school, I have no time to do this piece of coursework. Maybe I'm only motivated when the pressure starts setting in... and then I still don't do it. I'm like that kid that gets up really early the morning it's meant to be in... and then still doesn't do it. That's how bad I am at doing my work. I mean, I will do it... one day. I promised myself that I'd sort myself out this year so I can improve my grades which are at an all time low and get something decent in my GCSE's but I'm not off to a good start. Did I promise myself this last year too? Yeah, that didn't work now did it? Crap.

 

What else is there... I'm drawing rainbows puking up rainbows at the moment for I-Mockery.com. I have 3 designs which I'm pretty proud of: one is reminiscent of that scene in Team America, another is like, a big circle of puke where one rainbow is puking up another rainbow that is puking up the former rainbow, and the other one is a rainbow puking Skittles, bringing a whole new meaning to "Taste the rainbow" (and I've just looked now it's been updated and there are 3 other pictures of the Skittles idea, but I shall go ahead with it anyway! Damn my unoriginality). But I really need to install Paintshop PRO or something because as much as I like crayons, they'd just look way better if I did them on the computer. They have to end up on here anyway so I can send them in, and then I'll put them up here too. Which reminds me again again, goddammit, I need Word and Publisher and Excel and crap to be installed too. Then maybe I'll be able to start my coursework properly, or maybe I'm just using that as an excuse. Yeah, probably. Crap.

 

And where have all my comments gone? :( I like it when people comment 'cause I feel like this has been acknowlegded and I know people are reading then :( So please comment.

 

And it's Halloween soon :D

 

So I think that'll do for today.  

"I was just fixing clam chowder"

 Goo bye.

 

 

Sara.